Mama and Her Girls









February 25, 2012

Dear Mama:

Eleven years have passed since I witnessed the amazing last breath you took in this life.  Not a day goes past that I don’t think of you in thankful reflection of the lessons you gave me the 26 years I had with you. Over a decade has passed and so much has changed, I wanted to bring you up to date on me and mine.  There is so much of which you would be proud that it will be difficult to write all of those occurrences here.  I’ll be as brief as possible.

I started and closed my own business.  The economy and that knock in the head did considerable damage to my pocketbook and my esteem.  I’ve brushed them both off and started over. I’m now back in the apartment industry and climbing the ranks; currently the Director of Marketing. I do alright in business.

The realization that my marriage was over, had been over, was a difficult one to come to terms with.  I owned every bit of the decision to formally end that chapter and took control of legally end the marriage. Every effort to be gracious upon that exit was made and most times I was successful.  Until I couldn’t be gracious anymore and I forced the hand that kept  holding on to me into a signature and a willing agreement.  I was strong. Finally.

Evan is just about grown now and I reckon I have done a good enough job.  He is healthy, well adjusted socially, has a steady girlfriend, splits his time equally between me and his dad, keeps decent grades, is planning on college next year and is exceptionally gifted in the arts.  Mama – he sang for THE POPE! We toured Italy together and it was wonderful.  That child is tall as the heavens!  You would look so small next to him now with him towering at 6′ 4″ already and on target to reach 6″ 6″ at least.  I could go on forever about that boy.  He is the delight of my life and I could not be more proud of the man he is becoming.  You would like him and he would be the best fishing buddy you ever had.

The long and short of it is this: I am still caught in wonder that those two stars line up perfectly with the moon; I get my fill in life and strive for just a little more; I breathe every breath as if it were my last; I know I’ll never be empty-handed; I am tiny standing on the beach; more doors have opened for me than I have allowed to close; Faith is part of every decision I have made; I climbed those mountains; I’ve taken the path that’s rough and forged it because it was the right or noble path; I have taken chances – some were worth taking; I have given my love in mistake and now give my love only to he who is worthy; I gave up bitter to be better; I have never sold out (sometimes to my detriment); I stare into the heavens to see if I can find you; I never lose track of my years and know where they were spent; and I have always… danced.

I miss you.  I have the hawk to remind me to always glide on the wind – ride it out and float.  Your body is gone.  Your legacy lives in me.  For that, I am thankful.